“One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain.” This is a quote I live by that Bob Marley once said. Music is the calming of the calming of the soul. I listen to music any chance I get; at home, in the car, showering, relaxing. Another thing I enjoy doing with music is going to music festivals and concerts! I have been to quite a few. The most recent one I went to was Summerset Music Festival in Sommerset, Wisconsin. Not only is there a bunch of artists that play throughout the day and night, but there is other activities. Some other activities we did were camping, going to the shops that were around the festival, different food stand, checking out other peoples campsites and meeting new people. It was a great second experience for me ( I also went to Summerset last year). I went with 5 of my friends from high school, who have never been to a music festival before. They had a great experience as well and have never seen anything like it! Some of my favorite artists I saw at Summerset were Adventure Club, Zed, and Krewella. We would dress up in bright, neon colors. Sometimes we even put body paint on ourselves. You see any crazy thing that you could imagine at summerset. People dress in all sorts of different clothing and no one cares what you look like. It’s amazing. It is like a big Halloween party except not on Halloween. It was a wonderful three day vacation and I will definitely be going again next year!
There are usually 5-7 paragraphs for an essay. It was fun reading about Summerset don't get me wrong, but there should be more body paragraphs (you could explain what you did there and the artists you liked) and a conclusion. Also you could talk about the costumes people were wearing. Everyone loves reading about that kind of stuff.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was reading your story I wasn't sure if this was your welcome post or your narrative essay. I do love how you described what music does for you. Who you indentify with in the music that you choose. In what you wrote I did not find any typos. I also liked the photo that you posted to go with it.
ReplyDeleteI really liked this story. It is a bit short. But it is good. Maybe you could describe things in a little more detail to make it longer. I have never been to a music festival, but I have heard about them and they sound amazing! :) No spelling errors that I found. GJ!
ReplyDeleteI have been to several music festivals at Somerset and I know how crazy they can be. It is an amazing place to see a show. I would have liked to have a more detailed description of what you did when you were there. Also you could organize it chronologically so I would know what you were doing and when the events took place. Adding more detail would help make it longer and it would add little more excitement. I did not find any errors or typos.
ReplyDeleteYou know I love music fesivals too, and am so jealous that I did not get to go to Sommerset this year too! I thought the Bob Marley quote really conveyed your love of music. I would like to see a more clear thesis statement and some more details about the three days. Also have it be 5 to 7 paragraphs like stated in the rubric to get full points. I can't wait to read your final draft and hear more about your expieriences there.
ReplyDeleteI would recommand adding more to your essay (3-5 paragraph). I like to see some more details because I've never been to a music festival so I want to know the surroundings, what type of people is there, what you guys do there (just some thoughts). Otherwise cool topic and loved the picture you posted.
ReplyDeleteSo yes, this needs to be a more formal 5-7 paragraph essay. In the future work on posting a draft that is closer to what you will hand in as a final. Still a rough draft, but farther a long. Pay attention to grammatical errors in your edit. I can't really comment too much on structure since this is fairly minimal but I'm glad you like your new topic and I look forward to reading your final draft!
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